Instruments of My Torture

Click to embiggen. From front: “gazelle”-type cross-country skiing machine; HealthRider; HealthRider clone with resistance piston; weight bench.

Right now I stand about 5 feet, 8 inches tall — and weigh a little more than 190 pounds. I’m fat.

Happily, I finally got the workout equipment set up where I want it — under the shade on the south deck — and I started my exercise routine today.

My goal? A 29-inch waist. If Hawk, Robert Parker’s fictional six-foot tall body-sculpted hit man, can have one, I damn well can too.

Seriously, though, I have a 38- to 39-inch waist at the moment, and it’s pissing me off. My gut extends even further.

The last time I had a 29-inch waist, I was eighteen years old and running 70 miles a week. If I started running at my current weight I’d blow out my knees.

Sooo…. I’m starting with ten minutes on the “gazelle” (simulating running) and another ten minutes on the “HealthRider” (it has no resistance, so the pace is just as fast as running, but it works my knees and legs in ways the “gazelle” does not), followed by one hundred reps on the “HealthRider” clone that has a resistance piston. That one hurts — it’s basically a rowing machine with situps thrown into the mix.

That’s my daily cardio. After a couple of weeks of that I’ll try a ten-minute run up the hill to see how I feel.

In addition, I’m starting an old familiar free-weights (dumbbells) and calisthenics routine, below, alternating with bench and barbell work.

I’m going slow to start with, so don’t laugh at my low poundages. They’ll be going up soon enough.

3 sets of pushups, 10 reps each
3 sets of bar dips done in the corner of the kitchen counter: 5-4-3 reps
With 10-lb. dumbbells:
3 sets of anterior shoulder lifts, 10-8-6 reps
3 sets of midline shoulder lifts, 10-8-6 reps
3 sets of posterior shoulder lifts, 10-8-6 reps
3 sets of curls with rotation at the top of the movement to stress the forearm, 10-8-6 reps
3 sets of forearm curls, 10-8-6 reps
3 sets of triceps extensions, 10-8-6 reps
3 sets of wrist curls, 10-8-6 reps
3 sets of reverse wrist curls, 10-8-6 reps

In my prime (and sixty pounds lighter) I used to crank out 30 to 50 bar dips without incident. Doing those first five today was excruciating. But boy, did it feel good at the same time.

Oh yeah, I’ve been lugging most of this equipment around for the last five years. Every bit of it was free, of course. But if I didn’t start using it this summer, my wife would have made me toss it. So there ya go.

Why spend time fussing about lightening your fifty-pound bugout bag? I’d rather keep the extra stuff in the bag and lose fifty pounds from my body.

Comments and advice appreciated.

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6 Responses to Instruments of My Torture

  1. Poha says:

    Good luck! Same here … knees already gone, though. Atkins diet is working for me; so much more energy on it. Keep a diary and post it! Get your doc to order some basic blood work tests; then lose the weight and re-test. Main thing is: tell your doc what you are doing, okay? Visualize the process, don’t dream about the results …

  2. The Mom says:

    All the best – whatever it takes to get us motivated, doesn’t matter what it is – my motivation was extremely high, gonna kill me blood pressure. That was almost four years ago. Within 3 months my blood pressure was heading towards normal and I haven’t looked back. Like POHA said, your doc can help you monitor and chart your progress – those little milestones are important.

    Don’t forget the eating better part too. With persistance and determination this new routine will become a part of what you do every day. Oh – do we get before and after pics?

  3. Linoge says:

    Best of luck! That was one of the few advantages (at least for me) for being out to see for six months at a time… I had to work out, simply to remain sane. Now that I am back on land again, though, the motivation is slipping, though I think Better Half and I will start some form of Martial Arts soon.

    In addition to your weight training, though, I might recommend this, if you are so inclined: http://musclemedia.com/training/BootCamp.asp Even after six months of doing it, I did not look nearly as good as he does (and I doubt I would be able to accomplish that even after six years), but it was the first time in my life I had anything approximating abs. Have fun, though, and try not to kill yourself!

  4. David says:

    Thanks, all! And yes, I’ll be taking some “before” pics to stash away for future display….

  5. Andrey says:

    Being pretty much in the same boat – 5’11” and 220 pounds, I’d like to recommend “New Rules of Lifting: Six Basic Moves for Maximum Muscle” by Lou Schuler and Alwyn Cosgrove. I’m going through 4th week right now and very pleased with results so far. Best $18 I spent on fitness stuff.

  6. David says:

    Cool, thanks! I’ve clicked on Linoge’s link and will be incorporating some of those moves into my routine eventually. I just ordered the Schuler/Cosgrove book too and will read it with interest!

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