Hello everyone, Professor Booty here.
I must sincerely apologize for not fulfilling my obligations last weekend. I had promised the Kid that I would fill in for him if he were to be offline while going to that Bumpershoot thingiemabob and I failed miserably.
But I do have a good excuse.
You see, my secretary informed me last Friday that she had found her man and would soon be a kept woman. She already had the date set for the nuptials and I had to scramble to get the word out that I was taking resumes for the newly open position.
The job is never very hard to fill. The only responsibilities are light typing and phones, helping me with my grammar when taking a memo, making sure that when I say for instance “Ms. Smith and I are not to be disturbed� that I am not disturbed and walking around half dressed all day.
The main difficulty is in that I get so many respondents that paring them down to a select few can be a complete nightmare. I can usually throw out half of the resumes and portfolios after a quick flip through them and this go-round was no exception. I’d share those ones with you but I seriously doubt you’d be interested in that. Most of them would have to go through remedial Booty School before I could even start them in the 100 series of classes.
It gives me hope that I can teach at least some of the women on this planet how to build up a strong and fine posterior.
Anyway, for leaving you without a topic last weekend I am going to give you all the opportunity to help me select my next secretary.
Below are three of the six finalists. Please look at them clearly and carefully. I will try to fill you in on their qualifications and ask that you just let me know which one you think would best suit my needs. If you don’t like any of them, let me know that as well. Remember that there will be three more tomorrow.
If you prefer to remain anonymous, you may send me an email at my new address that the Kid set up for me, ProfBooty1 -at- gmail -dot- com
Thanks in advance for any help you can provide.
Girl #1 is Stephanie
Her current employer is a light clothing manufacturer and she is wearing some of their product in this photo. She has worked there for just under 18 months and does clerical work for the warehouse manager. Previous to that she modeled for a number of “grrrl-power” magazines and was an amateur ladies Greco-Roman wrestler. I asked about whether that involved olive oil and, while she did deny that it did, I saw a gleam in her eye that told me she would find that interesting.
I do like the hair color but am not positive that the carpet matches the drapes. I snapped this photo as she was looking for the wrapper to her lollipop behind the couch. No, I did not put it there.
Girl #2 is Emily
Emily has held many receptionist and secretarial positions during the past five years. Her current place of employ is in the library at the Occidental Tush Institute where she has worked for just five months. I am almost willing to call her overqualified. My only hesitation is her tendency to climb all over strange objects like my grandfathers leather chair you see there. If her spiked heels had put just one puncture in that chair, I’d have paddled that fanny to glow-in-the-dark redness.
Hmmm, maybe that should be a qualifier for the job? Grandpa probably wouldn’t mind if the damage went towards a good cause…..
Anyway, moving on
Girl #3 is Nathalie
Nathalie comes to my request from the corporate world where she manages anywhere from three to six junior receptionists. Waaaay overqualified, but I do like that she knows which way to face when taking dictation.
During the after-interview candlelight dinner, Nathalie confided in me that she has no reservations towards “Special Stress Relief Techniques� and that she has been practicing these techniques for her previous three managers. I asked what the details were regarding these techniques and I can tell you that I was quite relieved of all stress.
I think we can all agree that these are all fine candidates.
What say ye?