Everyone has heard about the idea that all men should wear kilts to the airport, they way they were meant to be worn, right?
New idea, put some peanut butter in your pants (in a baggie). That should get a reaction.
Phil Reads
Enjoy the Decline
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Better yet, you and a friend and a cup of peanut butter. Not permitted, they say. “Oh we’ll take care of that!” you grin, and you both start licking it up lasciviously.
Even better if you’re two girls with that one cup.
Put a REALLY soft, black banana in the back of your jockeys, and when the goon gropes that, say, “hey, I just couldn’t hold it, OK, now if you’ll pass me through, I’ll go change my shorts”. Then watch the bile rise in his/her gorge.
Brings up an interesting question. A certain number of air passengers must be incontinent, millions of older people are. So if they’re wearing a soggy Depends, does THAT get groped, or better yet, sampled for liquid explosive?
Maybe the end of this tomfoolery is to enlist the oldsters who fly, tell them to all wear Depends, and NOT change them on schedule or when they feel wet, but let their diaper get good and soggy before going through the line.
If more than a few TSA goons at each airpatch quit, it will REALLY impact the whole org.
That’s the spirit!
Peanut butter is perfect. I understand that it backscatters just like plastic explosives.
Terrorist
Strategy
Achieved
I have to fly in a few weeks and intend to REALLY enjoy my pat-down, if you know what I mean. “We’re done? Can I at least get a happy ending?”
I only fly once or twice a decade (thank heavens) but the next time I do, I fully intend to use Kyle’s idea. The orgasm scene from “When Harry Met Sally” on high volume as the TSA goon is feeling me up should at least amuse me and annoy them.
The kilt idea is brilliant, btw! I wonder if I can talk my husband into wearing his Utilikilt when he flies home from military training next month…