Berate Bureaucrat, Get Results

One of my uncles (the one who only takes head shots when hunting, both because it wastes less meat and because he’s that good) is a bit of a character. Think John Wayne, but with the temper of Bruce Banner’s rampaging green alter ego. So we always cringe a bit when he interacts with city or county bureaucrats.

The other day he was redoing a connection to an ancient and completely un-permitted septic tank on my Grandma’s property, and she decided that they’d tempted the fates too long, so he’d better go in and pay the fine and get a permit. Shows up at the permit office at ten minutes to eight. The staff is sitting around goldbricking, but they tell him he has to wait until eight o’clock.

Well, that sets him off. “I’m here, you’re here, I just need you to give me a stinkin’ piece of paper, and you’re just sitting on your fat ass…” etc., etc. Makes the lady at the window so mad she goes and looks up Grandma’s property records just to see if she can ding him on anything.

Because he made such a fuss, the entire staff gets involved and looks over her shoulder — so when she blanches and tries to close up the books they helpfully point out that Grandma’s been paying at a higher commercial rate for decades when it should have been at residential rates. Angry Bureaucrat Lady can’t deny it — too many witnesses. So not only did my uncle get his permit, but Grandma’s getting a four-figure check from the city! Good times!