From John at Just Some Poor Schmuck. Heard while working the night shift in a suburban/rural Oregon 911 Dispatch Center:
Got a call earlier from a female who thought she might have been poisoned. She had recently joined a church that teaches that masturbation is a sin. So to stop herself from masturbating “illegally” she sprayed her hands with ant poison this morning.
She didn’t say what she had done since morning that would make her think she was poisoned.
Yeah. Umm, I’m not thinking I would ask.