I actually found these at a left-wing blog, but I suspect that they got them from some sort of chain email. They are, however, quite hammer-on-head-of-nail.
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
6. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
7. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
8. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
9. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
10. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
11. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
12. You should not confuse your career with your life.
13. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
14. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
15. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
I would actually like to modify that last one.
Here at RNS Blogstation Tacoma, I live the RNS Lifestyle: Live fast. Die old. Leave a body like John Wayne.
“Beef Week” helped with that.