You’re probably not indie enough to have ever heard of the people labeled as “hipsters”, but there are lots of them in Portland, OR.
They like to be “ironic” in their hobbies and style of dress. Here is a good pictorial essay explaining that last sentence.
That cats do not like water is not at all “ironic”, so the “hipsters” who were trapped in a bedroom by their 22lb Himalayan house cat unfortunately did not have the completely non-ironic “perfect tool for the job” to get make cat to chill the fuck out.
“Ironically”, it also works on dogs and other small household pets*.
Other, non-lethal solutions include brooms, flyswatters, keys, and other items pets consider to be “magic”. Pets do not understand irony. Don’t even bother trying it.
*Maybe not ferrets.
While cat-washing can be considered a full-contact martial art, dealing with deranged felines is easy. Elbow-length welding or fire-tending leather gauntlets do the job just fine. Cats really don’t like the concept of “the armored hand of compliance.” Not sure if “chill” is the right description, but “control” is a term that can be properly used.