The Horror! Updated!

The “Controversy”!

After the Superbowl, Jabberin’ John Aravosis said that he couldn’t wait for “the religious right to flip out” over Prince’s shadowplay with his guitar during the halftime show that made it look as if his wang was 18 inches long and barbed.

Little did he know that Snickers had made a homophobic ad that would set Jon-Jon on a tear across all of candy-snackbardom.

His little made up controversy involves the Snickers commercial where the two mechanics touch lips “Lady and the Tramp” style while eating a Snickers candy bar. The conclusion of the Superbowl ad had one of the guys saying to the other “Do something manly!” and then they both rip out clumps of their own chest hair.

To Johnny Boy, this is “Homophobic”. He even starts issuing threats at Mars Inc.

As the guy who launched the first-ever successful boycott of a TV show (StopDrLaura.com), I’m going to suggest that they had better nip this in the bud quickly, or they’re not going to know what hit them.

What? Is Hurricane John going come into the offices of Mars Inc. wearing nothing but a cravat and his plastic PeeCee Police badge on a belt and redocorate? 

Oh, nevermind. But wait, it gets better.

There are three additional endings to that commercial, and according to Aravosis, each is more homophobic than the last. To make it even better, we were supposed to log on to the Snickers website and vote to see which ending got shown during the Daytona 500.

In the second one, a thrid guy steps into the mechanics shop, sweeps back his hair “Fabio” style and asks “Is there room for three on this love boat?”

The third one has the two mechanics drinking motor oil instead of ripping their chest hair out.

The fourth selection has the first mechanic hitting the second one with a large wrench and then the second mechanic slamming the first one with the hood of the car mulitple times.

Tasteless and stupid? No more so than the GoDaddy commercials. Homophobic? Never in a hundred years.

Aravosis actually says sarcasitcally

Yes, the appropriate reaction to a guy kissing you is to beat the crap out of the guy who kissed you.

Actually John, it is the appropriate, non-homophobic, reaction. If a woman is allowed to slap a guy who delivers some unwanted lip-to-lip contact, then why is not considered the proper reaction for a guy to do it?

I pretty darn sure that in Washington State, an unwanted kiss is considered, at minimum, 4th Degree assault, 3rd or more if tongue is involved. Hell, I’d be willing to bet that on most university campuses, the militant feminists have it set up so as to classify it in the record books as an attempted rape.

I know for a fact that if some jackass tries to lay the liplock on me, he is first going to discover how instant velocity of the arm works and then what the Theory of Gravity is all about.

And that is not all “homphobia” Avarosis is bitching about. Apparently Snickers showed the commercial to a number of players on both the Indy Colts and the Chicago Bears teams and filmed it. Their reactions varied from grimaces to a couple of them saying “That’s just not right.”

So apparently the Indianapolis Colts weren’t the only homophobes on the field.

But not to worry for Indy though, because they let the Indiana Family Institute use a picture of Tony Dungy wearing Colts logo clothing for a banquet that they’re having this upcoming March.

Which leads “‘Da Jabberer” to award Indianapolis the “Homophobe Football Team of the Year” award.

Btw, that “religious right flip-out” over the Prince show never happened.

So much for John-Boy’s ability to predict the future.

UPDATE: I have the PeeCee Police theme song below the fold

Sung to the theme from Team America!

PeeCee Police!

Fuck Yeah!

If you’re white, male and straight, you aren’t allowed an opinion!

PeeCee Police!

Fuck Yeah!

Affirmative Action rules, and no it ain’t racism!

PeeCee Police!

Fuck yeah!

If you don’t like watching guys kiss, you’re a fuckin’ homophobe!

PeeCee Police!

Fuck Yeah!

Teachin’ things that disgust you with your tax money!

PeeCee Police!

Fuck Yeah!

Don’t mess with us, because we’re entitled!

PeeCee Police!

Fuck Yeah!

Don’t worry ’bout Muhammed, he just wants to kill Jews!

PeeCee Police!

Fuck Yeah!

Asians aren’t minorities, they’re evil like white people!