Which Bitch is Which?

Some will ridicule this taxonomy of bitches by a latter-day Linnaeus, but I’m impressed considering the source. I’d say the reforms of the D.C. school system are having an effect. Classification of one’s surroundings is the mark of an orderly, inquisitive, and reasoning mind. In a third-grader, no less. Bravo, budding young scientist/engineer/logician/astronaut/whatever!

Seriously: I used to make this sort of list all the time. Just not of bitches.
h/t: BoingBoing

These are really best-read in the original. But for those who have spent so much time on the internet that you can no longer read handwriting, here you go in nice clean type:

Types of Bitches

1) Dirty dumb ass bitches
2) Aint got no ass bitches
3) Dusty trick bitches
4) Fishy bitches
5) Don’t know how to fight bitches
6) Got all that mouth but can’t step bitches
7) Ugly looking bitch that think they all that
Can’t keep a man bitch
9) Track wearing bitches
10) Bitches that be trying to steal your man
11) Hoochie looking bitches
12) Ain’t got no damn sense bitches
13) Stupid bitches that act dumb
14) Bitches who can only get a dirty boy
15) Want to be jocking bitches
16) Bitches who think their man love them but get pregnant and be left alone
17) Bitches who think they better than me
18) Instigating bitches
19) Talking behind your back bitches
20) Loud mouth bitches
21) Pissy bitches
22) Stingy bitches
23) Funky looking bitches
24) Short hair bitches
25) Spanish bitches who think they all that cause of their hair
26) Bitches that be ignoring you when they know they can hear you
27) Staring in your face bitches
28) Big eyed looking bitches
29) Crazy bitches
30) Nappy tender headed bitches
31) Booty shorts wearing bitches
32) Coast-signing bitches
33) Dick riding bitches
34) Whipped bitches
35) Buck tooth bitches
36) Cheesy teeth bitches
37) Same wearing clothes each day bitches
38) Ghetto bitches
39) Hair dyeing bitches
40) Wearing shoes that be talking bitches
41) Bitches who think they hard
42) Bitches that think they get money
43) Bitches that go to a dirty school
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59) Gay bitches
60) Stanky fishy coochie smelling bitches
61) Tomboy bitches
62) Stain on your pants bitches
63) Dry scalp dandruff bitches
64) Dirty hair bitches
65) Stealing bitches
66) Stinky feet bitches
67) Big gap bitches
68) Protecting their store bitches
69) Pajamas outside bitches
70) Ragly braid bitches
71) Stanky butt bitches
72) Greedy bitches
73) Slimy grimy bitches
74) Psycho bitches
75) Drug dealing bitches
76) Geekin’ bitches
77) Suntanning bitches
78) Goofy looking bitches
79) Triflin’ bitches
80) Skanky bitches
81) Mugging bitches
82) Sloppy bitches
83) Dirty fingernails bitches
84) Dirty sock wearing bitches
85) Uncreative bitches
86) White bitches that think black people poor
87) Conceited bitches
88) Tall bitches
89) Short bitches
90) Jealous bitches

Yes I’m an attorney. No, I am not your attorney, and nothing in this post constitutes legal advice or opinion.